Adam & Eve: Italian Exploitation Style

I believe the title of this translates to "Adam And Eve: The First Love Story". I found it while researching Cannibal Holocaust sequels on Youtube. As you can imagine the story of this is a little different then the biblical version. I'm going to go ahead and do spoilers as I am assuming you are not as hardcore as me and don't actually want to watch this movie. If you would rather watch it (it's free) click here.

First off, Adam is "born" by ripping himself out of a slimy big pod type thing. After spending a few minutes enjoying paradise, he sculpts a lady out of sand on the beach. A storm comes with pouring rain and Adam attempts to protect his creation from washing away. The rain washes away the sand though and underneath is beautiful blonde Eve.

They enjoy paradise together in a child like way until Eve finds the Snake and the forbidden fruit tree. She complains she's bored and wants more excitement. For the first half of the movie Eve is kinda of an Ilsa type bitch, always complaining and talking shit. Adam is a pretty boy Fabio type who has these vague ideas about what their future holds. He tells Eve what to do but can't back anything up with facts or even the reasons behind what he is telling her.

So Eve eats the apple and so does Adam, Paradise gets all kinds of fucked up and this leads into the first craptastic special effects sequence where they are in a stone corridor and are running away from a huge boulder rolling towards them like in Indiana Jones. Very cheesy but if you are like me you love this kinda stuff!!

Our couple walk through the new shitty world they are stuck in where animals are not nice to each other and there is no fruit to eat. Eve finds a giant egg which leads into the second super crappy special effect, a pterodactyl attack!!!

Adam and Eve meet cavemen, then a tribe of mud people. Adam and Eve decided to break up and Eve shacks up with one of the mud people. While sitting by a lake Eve teaches her new boyfriend that water will wash off the mud. Mud dude is a good fighter and provider but Adam comes back which leads to the third hilariously bad special effect when Mud dude defends Eve from a bear while Adam watches from afar like a bitch.

So Adam and Eve are back together and Eve tells Adam she's going to have a cub which leads to argument as Adam doesn't believe a woman can have a cub. They crawl through a cave and Adam kills three dogs which is probably supposed to represent Adam "manning up" even though the scene will probably ruin any sensitive animal lovers day.

They finally find the beach and Eve sits in a tidepool and craps out the baby underwater. Adam holds the baby up in the air with the sunset in that background, freeze frame and the credits roll.

I actually really enjoyed this movie as psychotronic garbage. It reminded me a lot of one my Troma favorites "A Nymphoid Barbarian In Dinosaur Hell" as there was a lot of scenery, stupid looking monsters and very little dialogue. I enjoyed it so much I am going to church next Sunday. Just kidding!!!

Mormo has supported the punk rock and underground movie community for over ten years through print, video and merch. He suffers from psychic borderland syndrome and the only thing that will make him feel better is you signing up for his mailing list at www.mormozine.com